September 30, 2022

A Week of Rest

The morning of Friday, September 30, Woody and I walked to a breakfast date at Cafe Luna. My estimated due date was Wednesday that week, so we had taken the week off work to bond and relax and welcome baby soon. Elliot was born at 41 weeks and I had a feeling this baby was coming earlier than that. After coffee and breakfast I went shopping at Granny’s Attic while Woody walked home. The baby was stretching out a lot and causing me quite a lot of pain in the upper part of my belly all week. Felt like we were running out of room in there! I would place my hand on my belly and massage downward, trying to convince those little feet to relax and give me a break. That day the top of my uterus was especially sore. I walked home very slowly and thought about how much I would love a September baby and talked to the little person in there to remind them we are so ready (only half a day left in September!). When I got home I laid down for a nap.

But I couldn’t get to sleep as I was starting to feel some cramps. Wait…those are quite regular cramps…could it be contractions? I asked Woody to get the contraction app timer and we started timing. Yes, sure feels like contractions! Only thirty seconds long and 12-ish minutes apart. This was about 2:30 PM. I texted our birth team and let everyone know I would try some magnesium and a nap and see if they faded away like prodromal labor sometimes can. Thirty minutes later it was clear to me these were not fading! They were ramping up and there was no way I was getting a nap. Woody and I were so excited…we will meet our baby soon! We told Elliot and he was very excited, too. I asked Bethany and Ruby to come braid my hair as one of my favorite and last birth preparations. I handed Woody the birth prep checklist I made and we got started finishing up my birth spaces. He ran around the house getting things ready (candles, towels, dinner recipe) while I focused on my only checklist line: self-care. Tending to my body, mind, and spirit…eating, resting, centering… 

 

Starting to Gather the Women

It wasn’t long before we texted our doula, Amber, asking her to head over to support us. My contractions grew intense quickly and I wanted Woody to squeeze my hips and be by my side. Amber jumped in like the pro she is and got our bed ready with waterproofing, helped Elliot and me with snacks, captured some sweet photos and video, and worked her magic around the birth space. Elliot and I were planning on watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory together during early labor, but that didn’t last long since I needed to stand up and sway and use the TENS unit (my favorite pain coping tool this time! Bought it here). He was pretty frustrated I kept making noises over the movie audio (the nerve!), so I got him some headphones and we could still be together and snuggle a bit while each doing our own thing.  I kept commenting to Amber and Woody how intense these contractions felt already. I thought things might ramp up a bit slower and I’d have time to rest a little with Elliot and our cat, Oscar — not as slow as my first birth of course, but I was not expecting quite this fast. I laughed that it was fine by me if this was quicker! At some point I remembered to text my mama to let her know her next grandbaby was coming soon — she also ran our birth phone-tree for us. Then I turned off my phone to focus on the journey ahead.

I was enjoying laboring in and around my bedroom at this point – mostly leaning over the bed during a contraction then walking or swaying between them. My bedroom had become a sanctuary for this ceremony and rite of passage of birth — on a table I created the birth altar with a salt lamp, an earth birth goddess, a small Sheela na gig amulet, and my blessing necklace which carried all the blessings from friends and family for our birth and family. Around the room and in the bathroom I spread out birth visuals and words, affirmations I read daily in the weeks leading up to the baby’s journey earthside. I made a few playlists for birth depending on the different moods, but the only song we ended up playing for a while (on repeat) was Elliot’s favorite: Smoke and Rock/The River is Flowing by Lobo Marino. After hearing this as a song in the birth documentary These Are My Hours, it always gives me chills and pours power and groundedness into my veins.

A Beautiful Bathtub and Pregnancy Dreams

I had kept a lovely black robe with lace sleeves on our banister to wear in early birth – I skipped right over it and put on my swim suit instead. I was ready for the transition to the bath whenever that might be, no time for costume changes! Our home has a gorgeous bathtub amongst turquoise tiles with a window looking out into the quiet forest. This is where I envisioned the moment of birth occurring — I had dreamed of this since 2019 when we first toured our home and shortly before we started our conception journey. The tilework is thanks to original owner and designer of the house, Vashon artist Renée Marceau. She created some gorgeous, relaxing, nature energy in there and we are so grateful to enjoy it. During pregnancy I had several dreams about birthing in this room, and I also had quite a few dreams that my birth was very fast. In fact, in one dream the birth happened while I was sleeping, and I was really bummed I missed it — asking everyone why they didn’t wake me up! I also remember one dream in particular in which I had a little boy and he felt so real and I loved him so deeply, he was meant to be with us.

On the weekends leading up to the birth, Elliot and I would often play “birth” and bring one of his dolls into the empty bathtub to rehearse what birth might be like. I helped him get used to the idea of contractions (about a minute of mommy very likely yelling and making animal noises), resting in between, and the order of main events – lots of contractions for hours, baby’s head then body being born, getting to see baby’s sex, placenta, cutting the cord, then resting together. It also helped me immensely to practice the positions I might want to use in this tub, or in my bedroom, and go through the motions to rehearse and almost “remember” birth through my body. Birth is a time I feel most connected to my ancestors. One affirmation and mantra that kept coming to me in the final weeks of pregnancy was “I have done this a million times.” Obviously that’s not True in the individual ego sense, capital T. But in a spirit sense and connection to all the women who came before me to bring human life to this planet, it’s so very true and it resonated with me. My body was meant for this.

I moved into the bathroom to labor near the tub. Elliot wanted to stay nearby so he came to hang out in the bathroom with us – he brought his grilled cheese sandwich and movie with him. Pounding my hand rhythmically on the counter, leaning over, going up on my tip toes, using the TENS unit, chanting and swearing loudly, and hip squeezes from my husband felt best. These contractions were all-consuming with my focus, I remember thinking these were as intense as the contractions toward the end of birth last time, how could they be so hard so soon? I also remember complaining that I was too lucid, I wanted to be “birth-high”! I knew things were moving pretty fast. Soon our midwife Katelyn arrived and took my vitals and listened to baby, everything looked great. We certainly hoped for this baby to join our family earlier, when Elliot was younger. But one silver lining of the timing we ended up with was getting to work with our truly incredible midwife Katelyn, who had only established her midwifery practice on the island more recently, and also our wonderful doula Amber, who was with us during Elliot’s birth and then took a break from working births a few years. Being supported in birth by women who believe fiercely and tenderly in your power and have walked these coals before themselves is truly lifechanging. Elliot was also a wonderful birth support teammate at his curious almost-5 age.

Our photographer/videographer Austin (who is also a doula and a mom!) made it onto the ferry around 6 pm and was the very last car on the boat. Phew, the birth gods were with us! Shortly after she arrived I was ready to get into the bathtub (not-so-subconsciously I was definitely waiting for her!). Elliot really wanted to help mama so he grabbed some small towels and got them wet in the sink (some with cold water, some with hot, to provide me some variety). Then he put these gently on my forehead. I loved connecting with Elliot so it was really sweet to be cared for by this proud and loving little helper between contractions. Woody was also steady support, usually with a hand on my shoulder or back. In labor I like firm and steady pressure and Woody remembered this from our first birth.

Soon I felt baby’s head was only a short knuckle away, such productive contractions these were. Elliot asked what the baby will look like and I said “probably like an alien” thinking about how babies’ heads often mold very long. He also asked if the baby would be born “tomorrow” and I said something like “no, how about in an hour?” I remember thinking these contractions were so hard, I don’t know how I will endure any more of them. I tried to focus on one at a time and just get through that one. I think I was expecting some signs of transition like last time (when I puked) but that never happened this time. It was more like birth was a steam train and I was along for the ride, full speed ahead and very consistent.

Catching my Baby

Finally it felt like the baby was pretty darn close to pushing (exploding?) out. I felt a lot of pressure and kept my hand down to feel as well – yep, here comes the head. A strong contraction started and I wanted Elliot not to miss the baby coming and said “look buddy look buddy!” Next must have been some fetal ejection reflex because this baby was coming out quick – I pressed on baby’s head a little bit trying to slow down the descent because the ring of fire was extremely painful stretching me. Just as I was thinking I would catch my breath with a classic pause and rest between head and body being born….OOOOF my body and baby’s body worked in tandem and the rest of baby came out swiftly into the water. I have heard FER described as reverse throwing up, and that couldn’t be more accurate – our bodies really took over.

Right as the baby entered my waiting hands and I felt their little warm fragile body something huge clicked in my consciousness. It is hard to explain but it was like right at that moment the baby was so REAL. A real baby, a real new person, the click surprised me it was quite shocking. Of course I knew this baby was real during pregnancy especially when it kicked me and had hiccups, and I have given birth before. Yet even up to the moments where I felt their head coming down it was as if the baby was still more mostly an idea. A very true idea, but something different than holding my new little baby and having another fresh person in the room with us.

I lifted them up and into my arms and sat up to check the baby out and get a good look. I had requested our birth team to observe a minute of silence after the baby’s birth, which was incredibly peaceful for me and Woody and Elliot to enjoy meeting baby more intimately. Pretty soon baby’s eyes cracked open and were looking around a bit, and we could hear tiny little breaths. “Welcome! You did it. We did it.” I rubbed baby’s back and moved them around into some different positions such as lying on my arm to help drain fluids a little bit more. Then some snuggles on my chest, which included a tiny little cry followed by more looking around like “where the heck am I?” Woody kept baby warm laying a blanket on their back. Right after baby was born Elliot exclaimed a “That’s so weird!” which is actually exactly the same words Woody candidly said when Elliot was born, haha.

We commented this baby was pretty chill! [And now at 4 months old we still call Soren our “chill baby.”] At some point I leaned back and looked in between baby’s legs and asked Elliot what the baby is. “A boy! Because he has a penis,” said Elliot. We were all so happy to know the baby a little more. We would end up calling him “Little Brother” for two weeks until we learned his name. He was born at 7:52 PM. Something about that time was very familiar to me and I thought I must be imagining it….I checked Elliot’s birth certificate and sure enough – 7:52 PM was the exact minute Elliot was born about 5 years prior. These brothers must have some connection already!

After Birth

Next I birthed the placenta so then we were ready to move into the bedroom and get some food and rest together. Woody headed into the bedroom with baby and I walked slowly with my team of wonderful women – what a glorious few steps this was. To be a woman who just brought new life into the world in her own home and feel the other wise women near her helping her get to bed to rest. Almost as if they carried me, I was float-walking with their support and warm, nurturing, encouraging souls. I felt like an absolute queen. Elliot joined me on the bed right away and soon Woody and baby joined us, too. I did it!

Amber brought me my favorite chocolate protein drink and also some tasty warm dinner (beef and sweet potato curry). Katelyn checked on me and offered some tinctures. Austin quietly moved around to capture these special moments for us. Baby was latching well for his first nursing session. Then Katelyn prepared for the cord cutting. In the weeks leading up to birth I talked many times with Elliot about giving him the option of cutting the cord if he wanted to. Sometimes he was sure he did NOT want to do that. Sometimes he said “maybe.” On the night of the birth he felt strongly he wanted to do it himself, and even when Katelyn’s hands were shadowing his near the scissors he said “I can do it myself!” So I nodded and reminded him to move slowly and stay calm near the baby. He and Katelyn put the clamps on the cord and then she showed him where to cut. He did very well and we thanked him for helping baby brother. Elliot also turned our bedroom lights to green to announce to the neighbors that we had a little boy. We live in a cohousing community of about 40 adults and a dozen children, our little village shire. Elliot picked the color theme ahead of time, and I shared with the neighbors our plan that “green means boy, blue means girl, and yellow means a woman.” (I’m not sure how I would birth a woman, but this made sense to 5-year-old Elliot).

Elliot sat on Woody’s lap as I held the baby and then he asked if he can hold him. So we passed the little guy over and Elliot got to hold him and stroke his hair. He said baby’s head is “softer than a cat.” Elliot headed downstairs to make cupcakes with our au pair, Cami. Then he was so excited he grabbed a flashlight and went running around cohousing outside telling the neighbors about the baby being born. He was very excited about staying up late and about this whole birth party thing going on at our house. Woody isn’t a man of many words, but his tenderness during birth speaks volumes. He is an incredible birth partner and I’m endlessly grateful for his support of me through the birth year, and his appreciation and trust of the birth process. I will never forget each of the times I got to look at him holding our new babies in those first moments of life and seeing his eyes full of love, gratitude, a few tears, peace, and wonder.

Katelyn did the newborn exam on our bed and we all laughed when she hoisted him up into the scale to hear this baby was a big 9 lbs 1 oz! He sure felt larger than big brother those last weeks of pregnancy, oof! (Elliot was 7 lbs 13 oz). The birth team finished cleaning up and headed out after tucking us all into bed. Baby took a great first nap cozy between us. I tried to sleep, too, but I didn’t get much of a wink because I was still buzzing with so much adrenaline and excitement and love.

The whole birth was just about 6 hours and was the best day of my life! I was so happy that Elliot got to be involved, that the important parts of my birth vision were manifested, and that the many months (years, actually!) of preparation and intention for this moment had finally been realized. I’ve never felt more powerful, beautiful, grounded, present, and connected to Woody, Elliot, our baby, and to womankind.

Gratitude to the wise women who made this magic happen with me:

Katelyn Costley, Midwife

Amber Matusky, Doula

Austin Huston, Photographer & Videographer

Some of my favorite birth resources: